Oh! The Places You and Your Data will Go!

Congratulations!
Today is your data’s day.
Your data is off to Great Places!
It’s off and away!
You have integrity in your head.
You have hopes of good quality in your shoes.
Your data will steer itself in any direction it may choose.
Its on its own. And you know what you know. And YOUR GOVERNANCE committee should decide where it should go.


But you’ll find it in Excel spreadmarts & lookups and down Microsoft Access streets. Without anyone looking over it with care. About some you will say, “I wish it didn’t go there.”
With your head full of integrity and your shoes full of hope, you hoped you were smart enough to not go down a not-so-good street.
And you may not find any you’ll want your data to go down. Of course, you’ll find it headed straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air and somebody “needed it”, it’s only “fair”.
Out there things can happen and frequently do to data with integrity, and good quality too.
And when things start to happen, your shop will worry. It’ll stew. Just go right along. You’ll start saying “I thought I knew”.


Oh! The Places You and Your Data Will Go!

Your data will be on it’s way up!
It’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll be pretty surprised, when your data has soared to summit heights.
Wherever it flies, you’ll think it to be best of the best. Wherever your data goes, it’ll top all the rest.
Except when “it” don’t.
Because, sometimes, it won’t.
I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to data nurtured by you.
It can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your business sponsor will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.
You’ll bring it down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that your data will be in a Slump.
And when you’re data’s in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping your data is not easily done.
Your data will come to a place where the records are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place your data could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? Did anyone check this before it “went in”?


And if you go in to “fix”, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up their mind.
You and your data can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild data quality space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…for data just waiting.

Waiting for a project to pass or a business sponsor to come, or an application to be put to rest, or the ERP to come, or the evil project manager to go or the CEO to throw in some “Bling”, or the snow to stop snowing or waiting around for a Yes or No decision by those in the “know”. Your data is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday “cut-over” night or waiting, perhaps, for the time to get things right, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.
No! That’s not for you!
Somehow you and your data will escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Big Projects are playing. With dollars flip-flapping, once more your data will ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!



Oh! The Places You and Your Data Will Go!
There is fun to be done! There are scorecards to be scored. There are clients to be won. And the magical things you can do with that data will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You and your data will be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world web watching your data on flat screen TVs.
Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.
I’m afraid that some times you and your data will play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause your data will play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not, Alone with your data will be something you’ll be quite a lot.
And when you and your data are alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet records that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between SELECT 1 OR A TON, that your data can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.
But on you and your data will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies and the politicians prowl. On you will go though the Sarbanes-Oxley howl. Onward up many a long night, though your keyboard may get sore and your coffee mug may leak. On and on you you and your data will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your data quality problems whatever they are.


Your records will get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You and your data will get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life as a Data Geek is a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.
And will you and your data succeed?
Yes! You and your data will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent would be a nice guarantee)
Kid, you and your data will move mountains!
So…be your name Oracle or IBM, or MySQL or Microsoft or Sybase or Postgress or Teradata or VSAM or Text, you and your data are off to Great Places!
Today is the day!
Your success is waiting.
So…get on your way!


Until next time...Rich

Comments

Rich said…
Take a peek at Jim Harris' version: Oh, the Data You’ll Show!
Jim Harris said…
Congratulations!

Great post, Rich.

I have always been a huge fan of Oh, the Places You'll Go! by Dr. Seuss.

Excellent use of the original text and the Seussian terms -- Sarbanes-Oxley even sounds like one.

Life as a Data Geek truly is a Great Balancing Act!

Best Regards,

Jim

P.S. Thanks for linking to my version :-)
paulboal said…
Thanks Rich. This is my 3 year old's favorite Dr. Seuss right now. I think I'll try to read this version to her tonight. :D
Paige Roberts said…
Great stuff! What is it with data quality guys and literature lately?
UpLoad_U said…
Love this little Brother!